This year, before starting Jewish Education classes at Melton, I actually read through just about the entire Tanach. It was fascinating as I was able to do it without any outside commentary or input. I could take the words as they were written (or at least interpreted by JPS) and make my own conclusion about what message the writer(s) meant to convey. My impression of the torah was harsh! It was filled with pervasive repressive, hateful, divisive, violent and vengeful stories. This has certainly impacted me (in ways I am sure future blogs will address) but the current result is that I do not find much to feel spiritual about when I think of the torah as a "contract" for the Jewish people. Hopefully as my studies continue, I will find the inspiration in its messages. So I guess the bottom line for me (at this moment in time, anyway) is that most of the torah's content doesn't feel very spiritual to me, but it's presence feels like an integral part of me . Kinda like my crooked finger.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Touching Torah
My grandma Sara taught me by example how to be a "good" person. She also, through her genetic (arthritic) legacy, gave me a crooked finger. I love my crooked finger as it always reminds me of her. In fact, when my daughter, Joanna, was born, one of the first things I noticed was that she inherited a crooked finger too! Seeing, holding and touching torah remind me that I am part of a chain of people who have passed down more to me than just my genes. When I am near a torah, I think of my grandparents, and their parents, and their parents' parents and how each previous generation risked persecution and death in order to pass down the teachings of our people. In this way, the presence of torah makes me feel like a part of a bigger picture. Like I am connected, or standing on the shoulders, of the ones who came before me.
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5 comments:
Ahh, too much learning makes one cynical! Bravo for reading through the whole Torah and learning more and more about our sacred text and our tradition.
Yes, there is so much within the Tanakh which is violent, angry, divisive, vengeful. But there is also redemption and healing and hope and inspiration and love and blessing.
We Jews (or at least progressive Jews) face the negative within Jewish tradition and within Tanakh and deal with it. Our commentators criticize those who remain silent in the face of death and devastation. They legislate away capital punishment, slavery, Sota laws, the rebellious child laws. We embrace the ethical, moral, inspirational.
Keep studying. You may find yourself moving deeper into the text and our commentaries to find the beauty beneath. I hope so.
Good observations - it can be tough to take some of the stories literally. I know I get frustrated too with how rough, gruesome and downright harsh they can be, which can be counter-intuitive to my ideas that it provides a road map to the Messianic Age. I think it is related to the notion that you cannot appreciate the highest highs, if you do not know about the lowest of the lows.
So, does too much learning make one cynical or does not enough learning do so?
Delving into the actual words and deciphering the messages within the torah is new for me. I willingly acknowledge my ignorance and inexperience in knowing little more than the religious school pabulum I was fed growing up. I had some inkling of this "dark side" of our ancient writings from Homespun Torah/Brunch with the Rabbi - my religious school teacher never told me about the impaling in the story of Purim! I guess I just didn't understand the pervasiveness of such writings and am still kind of choking on it. Hopefully, as I continue my studies, I will find a commentator whose interpretations I can digest. I am not a quitter - I eagerly plan to continue my studies, chewing on the writings and commentary until I can taste the sweetness again.
Remind me to share with you some of the modern commentators, perhaps even the Women's Torah Commentary. They make sense of some of the shadier sides of Torah and at times are clear that this represents an older view that we no longer embrace.a
One thing that has really helped me was reading something like the Jewish Study Bible with easy to deal with commentary, and also those Shabbat study sessions with the Rabbinic Intern. I've love those so much. And in hashing things out with other members of the study group, I've found peace with the harshness that is sometimes there. Keep going, I'm really impressed that you read it all on your own, it is one of my unrealized goals.
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