Thanksgiving - Spiritual???

Ya know, it has been a good 20 days since Thanksgiving and I am still grappling with this topic. It's been about 6 weeks since losing my father-in-law. Most days are better for my husband & me, but it's still a battle to feel deeply spiritual in the midst of death & Alzheimer's. Family gatherings force us to deal with the conflicting emotions of joy & loss, gratitude & illness. Maybe if I was a deeper person, I could wrangle up something meaningful & spiritual about it. Perhaps some allegory about how celebrations tend to be so double-edged emotionally. The joy of gathering with loved ones. The recognition that it won't last forver. All I can say for sure is that the experience of loss & illness make one more cognizant about the fleeting good fortune of health and youth.

Is Thanksgiving Especially Spiritual?

Thanksgiving is a unique day in that we have a huge meal with lovely desserts, have American football on TV with some of us actually playing the actual game, and see family we may only see 1-2 times per year. In our family we do go around the table and ask what each of us are thankful for; that is the spiritual moment of the day.

However, I will state that being Jewish allows us to not just think of Thanksgiving as a truly spiritual day. Each week on Shabbat we are thankful for the bread and the wine. We also say the Shehecheyanu at each and every holiday and special event (e.g., a bar mitzvah, wedding, etc.) that to me is especially a spiritual moment each time it happens, for it allows us to recognize the milestones of life that can help us connect to our spirituality.

Therefore, while Thanksgiving is a special moment in the fall, it is just one of many moments through out the year that allows me to feel spiritual.

7 Reasons Why Thanksgiving is Deeply Spiritual

There is something very spiritual about Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays because of GRATITUDE. Gratitude is especially spiritual. When we slow down and take the time to articulate the blessings in our lives, we necessarily venture into a higher plane of existence.  We transcend our yetzer harah (our inclination toward lustful neediness) to get in touch with our yetzer hatov (our inclination toward the good).  We discover the holy amongst the regular. 

Gratitude is profoundly spiritual. 

As part of a bi-coastal family, I enjoyed the opportunity to twice articulate my gratitude: first, over the phone, to my East Coast family gathered at my brother's home, and again, at our own California dinner table.

7 Reasons Why I Think Thanksgiving is deeply spiritual:

1. I spend the week before and after, trying to touch base with members of our congregation who have lost loved ones since last Thanksgiving.  A caring community needs to remember those who have an empty seat at their holiday tables.  (Passover and Rosh Hashana are also great times to reach out.)
2. Thanksgiving food is universally delicious.  When the senses (taste buds, smell, sight) are heightened, we recognize the beauty and holiness more).
3. I usually get in a deeply restful nap between the meal and dessert. A rested person is more apt to recognize the spiritual.
4. We gather family together for a non-rushed, gratitude-filled evening. Spirituality blossoms when we are relaxed.
5. We try to open an especially good bottle of wine. (See #2.)  The smell of a great wine is as delicious as its taste.
6. This rabbi has no responsibilities beyond helping prepare the meal.
7. The family gathers for dinner at a normal time because this rabbi does not have to run out to lead services. (See #4)

In what ways do you find Thanksgiving spiritual (e.g., meaningful, inspired, transcendent)?

Spirituality Is My Crutch

At least that's what some people want to believe. Grieving is a funny thing, we all do it but in different ways and on different time lines. After recently experiencing the greatest loss of my life, 9 months ago, I have found myself on an incredible journey through grief & sadness, love & spiritual awakening. Spirituality hit me as hard as the loss itself. This spiritual journey has guided through the darkness, lifted my heart, my spirit, and my soul. I have found "MY" God, the one withIN ME, not someone else, not one that someone has told me I should believe in. Recently I have become confused by the reaction of some people around me, those whom say they care, those whom say they love me. It seems they have a perception that this spiritual thing is bad, is harmful, is false. Its not OK that I am happy, that I have found peace and acceptance, this spirituality must be tricking me, I being fooled by something that I couldn't possible believe, or found on my own. If they could only take the time to read some of my earlier posts, maybe they could understand that spirituality is not new to me, but it had been locked inside, trying in vain to get out. For me, Erica (my wife) held the key, when she died, as she left our physical presence, she unlocked the door, opened my heart to the extent it never had been before. As she left me she empowered me to share with the rest of the world what only she knew and saw before. Some people understand and embrace the new ME, some are frightened. It feels to me as if they think my spirituality is a crutch, like alcohol or drugs, as if I were using it as an escape to mask reality as opposed to a tool to gain strength, perspective and understanding. This negative energy is a powerful thing, something that I have fought since the day Erica died, for some the negativity is their crutch, their way of coping and that is ok, it is their path. Today I am reaching deep into my spiritual toolbox, trying to pull away from this vortex of negativity, trying to get back to the peaceful, beautiful place, where Erica's spirit dwells, where her presence embraces me allowing me to live, love and be present for my children, my family and friends.

Spirituality in life and death

This one is particularly tough for me. Though I have lost some close friends, and some family members, I never really felt anything spiritual upon their death. Yes, I have seen what I thought was the soul departing but with no real spiritual sense, and believe me I was looking. Perhaps it was due to the fact I was in my teens and all who died had absolutely no G-d in their lives. All were in great pain both physically and emotionally. All had been wounded by generations on sadness and depression. In fact when it comes to this I have always thought that it is me, who is to break that chain. What I do know is, I did see the life leave their bodies and I do believe that it was with the departure of their souls that they were finally able to live.

I absolutely believe in “G-d” (I used to really have a tough time with this word and I know it alienates many people, due to its over use and that men call on it to incite murder) or some “thing”. I cannot look at us, the perfection of the human machine, the brilliance of nature and the infinite space of the universe and think that a mathematical equation is going to answer my questions. I know with a deep sense that G-d exists, though I have no idea what the next step is. I would be lying to say that this doesn’t scare me sometimes because it does. What I choose to believe and what makes sense to me is a discussion for another time. What I can say in a nutshell is that I trust that this is just one step out of many, this earth, this universe, etc and there is so much more to experience on many different “Planes”, this just being one step in a greater life. This also gives me the confidence to “live” my life to the fullest without fear but with an absolute love.

So, the question is, Spirituality, in particular Jewish spirituality because of, or in the face of death? Judaism fills all the voids in between what I do not clearly feel or see. Judaism allows and Judaism teaches and Judaism makes sense of the universe for me. Though I have not (and I do not look forward to it) experienced death of a loved one face to face in many years, I know unequivocally however, I will be turning to my Jewish faith for the answers in that time.

Not All Deaths Are Created Equal

I was at my grandmother's bedside when she died. I was a college senior, and my grandmother was 83. She had lived a long, rich, full life. The weeks leading up to her death were difficult and scary for me, but somehow when she did finally die at the winter solstice, I experienced something more akin to beauty. After teaching me so much about life, my granmma also taught me how to die. I don't know if I will be as lucky as she was to gracefully let go at the end of a blessed and fulfilling run, but that is my hope. My first child was born on December 19th - the anniversary of my grandmother's death. I have always found this a poignant reminder of the beauty that can be found in "circle of life". Yes, I would describe my grandmother's death as a powerful spiritual experience in my own life.

I also lived through the death of my father-in-law at the end of a miserable pair of years. His death was not beautiful, nor were the last 2 years of his life leading up to it. When he passed away, we experienced sadness, but mostly relief that his suffering was at an end. That did not feel particularly spiritual to me.

We have known a few children who have died in the past couple of years, and I find nothing whatsoever spiritual about their untimely deaths. I do not see any good coming from the brutal destruction of their parents' hopes, dreams, and belief in the future.

Not sure what all this means as an answer to the question posed, other than that I have not found the experience of death to necessarily be a path towards spirituality. Sometimes it can be beautifully meaningful fulfillment of a life well lived. Sometimes it can be more of a goal to be reached as an end to suffering. And sometimes it can be a terribly destructive force.

~ Debby

The Presence of Life's Power

There is no doubt something wonderous is at work that powers each and everyone of us, as well as what sustains life in all life forms on Earth. I witnessed the moment my step dad died - was in the room with him. Never felt anything like it; something actually left the room!

It was this moment that compels me to believe there is something beyond us and Earth. Hard to believe we all just stop existing if you believe what certain athiests think. If G-d exists then the existance has to be about life's power and what is behind this energy that sustains each of us. I cannot believe that this energy just ceases to exists. I struggle to call this energy G-d at times, but there is no doubt something amazing is at work.

I am still blown away how humans have the complex mind to both live and also think about meaning of life. Sometimes I wish I was a lower mammal and just cared about my next meal for the thoughts that can flood my mind about the reasons for existing can be so powerful and overwhelming.

However, I realize how powerful it is to contemplete the meaning of life and how this meaning brings the enjoyment of those the lives around me. No doubt I feel very close to family, but also feel strong bonds to my close friends, my fellow congregants as well as even colleagues at work. These feelings are truly the strong emotions of loving, caring and fondness for fellow humans that gives me pause to feel truly spiritual or even holy. I am also hopeful it is these feelings that will lead us to an age of peace and tolerance.

When the time comes for someone close to me to leave this life on Earth, it is comforting to think they went someplace else; hopefully some place good. I can echo the thought that when we tell stories about them, we keep them alive on some level. There is also the power that they affected us enough for us to tell those stories and give us the feeling of missing them.

I can close that it is this feeling of missing those that have died that helps us acknowledge the presence of life's power (or lack thereof). It is this power that drive us to continue with those memories. I tend to feel sad about a loss of life, but also extraordinarily happy about knowing them while they were alive and seeing their influence on those around them. It is a conflicting feeling, but it is what leads us to spirtuality and a belief in G-d in the first place.

Souls

One of the things I think about when the term spirituality is used is the soul. The question of what happens to our souls when we die has always intrigued me; and at the same time, being in the presence of a loved one during his or her last days or directly after their death can be an experience that is profoundly soul effecting.

When my grandmother passed away over a year ago in July, I knew her beautiful, vibrant soul had to exist somewhere in some form, even though her body was lifeless. She had touched and loved others so deeply, and planted seeds of light, hope, and wisdom in those who loved her.

When families and friends united to share stories, keeping her memory alive, there were spiritual moments for many of us, as we felt both the power of remembering and the pain of her loss deep in our cores - in our souls.

Grieving Sucks

Thursday morning we suddenly lost our beloved father & grandfather, Danny Gould. If one believed in karma or that sort of thing, Danny would have gone instantly at his desk, playing piano and regaling his friends. He worked, lived and loved perfectly. All who knew him thought him perfect. Yet, despite always doing the right thing, the past year has been horrible for him. After 38 years with Warner Brothers, he lost his job last summer (at age 88, but still!). He's been watching his beloved wife of 59 years turn into someone almost unrecognizable due to Alzheimer's Disease. He's suffered from two strokes (both of which he made just about complete recoveries from). And last week, he suffered a catastrophic brainstem stroke which rendered him unable to swallow.

A nasogastric tube was inserted up his nose and a suction device placed at his bedside so he could try to manage his secretions. It was awful to see this man who loved eating and talking (we called him "The Speecher") unable to eat and barely able to talk. He was clearly uncomfortable, yet, we knew he was fighting hard to make a recovery. The doctors, social workers and his case manager were grim. His outlook for recovery was grim. His future, if he should survive, looked sure to include gastric tubes, a tracheotomy and chronic battles with pneumonia. How could such a loved, talented and rightous man be dealt such horrible cards? Why would he be destined to be today's Biblical version of Job?

While I certainly feel a sense of communtiy and support from my friends and synagogue family, I'm struggling to find spirituality in this whole thing. I wish I could believe that it was part of g-d's plan to end his struggle without additional suffering, but the logical part of me thinks that his death was just a logical consequence of food being aspirated into his lungs when he tried to eat for the last time. I know the whole thing about man not being able to know or comprehend G-d's purpose or plan, but still. Hard to feel spiritual when grieving sucks so much.

Finding Spirituality when dealing with death

This is a topic I find myself thinking about very often as I have a 96 year old grandma and Brad has a 92 year old grandma. While they are both in good health, the reality is that they have lived much longer than their peers. Each holiday or significant event, I am always thinking, "will this be the last time they are with us?" I am not trying to be morbid, just a realist.

Thinking back to other grandparent deaths, I hope that they both go quickly, preferably in their sleep without being hospitalized, hospice, 3 am phone calls etc. But, the flip side to this desire is that each time I talk to them or see them, it could be the last time.

I can remember spending time alone, listening to music and thinking (and crying) about the family member who recently passed away. That time is when I felt the most connection to them and to the world around me. Ironically, I do not like being in Temple because while I find the words and tradition to be comforting, I don't like being around so many people. And I want to cry.

I agree with what the Rabbi said about this being such a vulnerable time and it's during vulnerable times that people turn to God and religion. That might be why the B'nai Mitzvah students feel like they do.

Something tells me that I will be experiencing this in the not so distant future, so I will probably be better equipped to answer this question then.

Spirituality in the Face - or Because of - Death

This month we begin to consider spirituality at times of transition, particularly at times of death and dying.  Our question is:

Where do you find spirituality or the presence of the Holy One/Higher Power/God when loved ones are facing death and/or dying?

When I sit with our pre-B'nai Mitzvah students to prepare their divrei Torah (speeches), I always ask them "What do you believe about God and when have you ever felt close to God?"  A huge percentage of the young people talk about sensing God's presence when a loved one - usually a grandparent - has died.  Though the answers differ, they find a sense of connection with something bigger, something beyond, this realm.  Some feel like God is getting them and their families through the difficult period.  Others feel like this is not a regular time; it is more, deeper, poignant. 

Times when a loved one dies are among the most vulnerable moments in our lives.  Some of us are mad at the world/spirituality/God that this is happening.  Others see them as moments of intense spirituality. 

For me, these times - facing and living through the death of a loved one - are intense and incredibly spiritual.  We stand - literally - at the intersection between life and death... and whatever is after.  I am more aware of the blessings in my life.  I am more appreciative also. 

There is an incredible peace that comes - amidst the sadness - when someone dies. Peace that pain (or one kind of pain) is at an end.  Peace that what's next is out of our hands.  Hope that there is an Olam Haba, an existence that comes after this world.  And a  sense of assuredness - for me - that our souls become bound up with the Eternal Soul of the universe. 

Those are my thoughts. What are yours?