Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Not All Deaths Are Created Equal

I was at my grandmother's bedside when she died. I was a college senior, and my grandmother was 83. She had lived a long, rich, full life. The weeks leading up to her death were difficult and scary for me, but somehow when she did finally die at the winter solstice, I experienced something more akin to beauty. After teaching me so much about life, my granmma also taught me how to die. I don't know if I will be as lucky as she was to gracefully let go at the end of a blessed and fulfilling run, but that is my hope. My first child was born on December 19th - the anniversary of my grandmother's death. I have always found this a poignant reminder of the beauty that can be found in "circle of life". Yes, I would describe my grandmother's death as a powerful spiritual experience in my own life.

I also lived through the death of my father-in-law at the end of a miserable pair of years. His death was not beautiful, nor were the last 2 years of his life leading up to it. When he passed away, we experienced sadness, but mostly relief that his suffering was at an end. That did not feel particularly spiritual to me.

We have known a few children who have died in the past couple of years, and I find nothing whatsoever spiritual about their untimely deaths. I do not see any good coming from the brutal destruction of their parents' hopes, dreams, and belief in the future.

Not sure what all this means as an answer to the question posed, other than that I have not found the experience of death to necessarily be a path towards spirituality. Sometimes it can be beautifully meaningful fulfillment of a life well lived. Sometimes it can be more of a goal to be reached as an end to suffering. And sometimes it can be a terribly destructive force.

~ Debby

2 comments:

Adam Chambers said...

Debby,

Great words, you summed it for me. I have trouble with the death of children and the drawn out death of adults.

What I do like to think is we all came here for a reason, we picked this life to gain knowledge for the next step. These experiences no matter how brutal are so that we may better understand the bigger picture on the next level.

Sue Gould said...

I wish I could believe that we are here for a reason. That's why I am stydying torah & Jewish texts at the Melton School. But for now, like you, Deb, I struggle with the fact that there is supposedly a compassionate & loving G-d, and yet, there is indescribable pain and suffering.