This is a topic I find myself thinking about very often as I have a 96 year old grandma and Brad has a 92 year old grandma. While they are both in good health, the reality is that they have lived much longer than their peers. Each holiday or significant event, I am always thinking, "will this be the last time they are with us?" I am not trying to be morbid, just a realist.
Thinking back to other grandparent deaths, I hope that they both go quickly, preferably in their sleep without being hospitalized, hospice, 3 am phone calls etc. But, the flip side to this desire is that each time I talk to them or see them, it could be the last time.
I can remember spending time alone, listening to music and thinking (and crying) about the family member who recently passed away. That time is when I felt the most connection to them and to the world around me. Ironically, I do not like being in Temple because while I find the words and tradition to be comforting, I don't like being around so many people. And I want to cry.
I agree with what the Rabbi said about this being such a vulnerable time and it's during vulnerable times that people turn to God and religion. That might be why the B'nai Mitzvah students feel like they do.
Something tells me that I will be experiencing this in the not so distant future, so I will probably be better equipped to answer this question then.
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2 comments:
I can relate to what you are saying about having grandparents in their 90's and worrying about not having them in the future. It just makes you treasure and appreciate each moment they are in your lives, which for me carries a spiritual element.
Marsi,
Thanks for your honest post. I too think about this every time I see my parents, hoping and praying that this will NOT be the last time. Since they are so young still, I know that the odds are that I will see them many more time. But I do worry.
I wish everyone would find death a soothing end to life and to pain, a quiet sliding away in the night (after being able, of course, to say goodbye and send love to dear ones).
I love your comment about being around Temple, coming from someone who is around Temple and services so often. Some pain is easier to share with others. Raw pain can be more difficult. Know that you are in a community that supports and loves, making space for quiet tears and offering hugs and support when allowed.
I know you count your blessings, enjoying every moment you can with your grandmothers. Their lives, of course, are a blessing.
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