Spirituality Is My Crutch

At least that's what some people want to believe. Grieving is a funny thing, we all do it but in different ways and on different time lines. After recently experiencing the greatest loss of my life, 9 months ago, I have found myself on an incredible journey through grief & sadness, love & spiritual awakening. Spirituality hit me as hard as the loss itself. This spiritual journey has guided through the darkness, lifted my heart, my spirit, and my soul. I have found "MY" God, the one withIN ME, not someone else, not one that someone has told me I should believe in. Recently I have become confused by the reaction of some people around me, those whom say they care, those whom say they love me. It seems they have a perception that this spiritual thing is bad, is harmful, is false. Its not OK that I am happy, that I have found peace and acceptance, this spirituality must be tricking me, I being fooled by something that I couldn't possible believe, or found on my own. If they could only take the time to read some of my earlier posts, maybe they could understand that spirituality is not new to me, but it had been locked inside, trying in vain to get out. For me, Erica (my wife) held the key, when she died, as she left our physical presence, she unlocked the door, opened my heart to the extent it never had been before. As she left me she empowered me to share with the rest of the world what only she knew and saw before. Some people understand and embrace the new ME, some are frightened. It feels to me as if they think my spirituality is a crutch, like alcohol or drugs, as if I were using it as an escape to mask reality as opposed to a tool to gain strength, perspective and understanding. This negative energy is a powerful thing, something that I have fought since the day Erica died, for some the negativity is their crutch, their way of coping and that is ok, it is their path. Today I am reaching deep into my spiritual toolbox, trying to pull away from this vortex of negativity, trying to get back to the peaceful, beautiful place, where Erica's spirit dwells, where her presence embraces me allowing me to live, love and be present for my children, my family and friends.