I have never held a Torah. The closest I have gotten to a Torah is kissing it through the mad rush at High Holy Days services. I do it, and I make my children do it, but I'm not even sure why.
Does this make me a Jewish imposter?
I have other books which I use for spirituality, other readings, and other prayers that I say, because I can understand them. They all have to do with believing in and trusting God's will for me, but I feel nothing when I hold them and they aren't very special. They are not based in any religion, and you can buy them in any Barnes and Noble.
I often feel like a hypocrite when I stand up every time the arc is opened, sit down when it's closed, and when I recite prayers in Hebrew which I have memorized (and I'm not even sure what they mean and if I'm even saying them correctly, so I whisper).
This usually brings me shame (what else is new?)
Should I continue to go undercover, or should I start looking into the Torah?