Seeking Spirituality Got Me in Deep Doo Doo

I was always the kind of kid who did what I was told and didn't argue or ask why. I went through the motions (and drudgery) of Hebrew school, had a Bat Mitzvah, then Confirmation/Hebrew High where I was elected Head Girl...whatever that meant. It was all social for me; no real depth to anything I did that was related to Judaism.
When I was 14, I began to "stir the pot" if you will. I became somewhat rebellious and thoroughly enjoyed straying from the norm. One of our Confirmation teachers was a woman very different from any other teacher I had ever had. She believed in things of a psychic nature and I was mesmerized by the kind of teaching she offered. She invited a small group of us students over to her house, which, in today's world would have been a BIG no-no, but I wanted to do it, and besides, my boyfriend was going too, so how could I miss out? She had this cool machine that she said would measure our energy force. We each put our hands on the glass of this machine and the resulting picture showed a thin halo of light around our fingerprints. WOW, I was impressed! Then, as a group, we said a few Jewish prayers and listened to some quiet music and then we let the machine take another photo of our fingers. This time, to my amazement, the halo of light was twice as thick and much brighter than the picture taken earlier. Our teacher explained that prayer and music were very powerful forces that have a deep effect on our spiritual being. I had NO clue what she was talking about then, but now I know it as being my first bout with spirituality. I came home from that session and was so excited about what I had learned that I blurted it all out to my mom and dad. With raised eyebrows, they looked back and forth to each other and I knew they were not happy nor comfortable with where I had been nor what I had learned with this teacher. My mom called our rabbi the very next day in addition to forbidding me to go to the teacher's house ever again. But I went...again and again...something new and very exciting was opened up in me.
Time went by and I was in college. I went to the Hillel house on campus and had a Jewish boyfriend, but other than that, my spiritual connection was dormant as I concentrated on my studies. When I was a Junior, a group of my girlfriends decided we would try out a program at Aish Hatorah where young adults were brought together for discussion and learning. We all enjoyed it, not for the learning, mind you; there were some really cute boys that came to the weekly meetings! After a few months, I became friends with one of the rabbis at Aish and was invited to a "Discovery" weekend. I was told that all my questions about God and spirituality would be answered. I called my mom to tell her I was going away for the weekend and explained to her what it was all about. My rabbi got a call from her just moments later.
As I write this, I am chuckling to myself picturing her calling my rabbi to tell him there must be something wrong with me that I was continually looking for answers about life, my religion, myself. Isn't that what we're supposed to be doing while we're here? But my parents saw things differently, and therefore my first attempts at seeking spirituality got me into trouble. But I am thankful for my psychic teacher and for Aish and for anything else that has touched my life and made me aware of the spirituality within me. It ebbs and flows now that I am an adult. There are times when I feel like a zombie, going through life without really feeling anything, without really participating wholeheartedly. And there are other times when I feel like I am truly on the path that was intended for me. The spirit in me, that little slice of God that lives within the walls of my body is alive and kicking and tapping me on the shoulder saying, "Keep it up...you're heading the right way...don't veer off the path." I get this feeling when I sing my kids the Sh'ma before they go to bed, I feel it in temple when the congregation is praying and singing together, and I feel spiritual when I wake up in the morning with a smile on my face, ready to conquer the day. Heck, I'm even feeling it as I sit here writing.

Really excited to take part in this blog and learning more about you all!